I am just a ball of emotions right now. A person who generally is never at a loss for words. I kind of am. My mom has Lymphoma Cancer which was cause early and they are predicting she will be alright but, I'm not sure how I feel. Im not really about expressing anything at this time but what lil thought I have on this matter at this time needs to come out of me and not build as I normally do. My Aunt died of Breast Cancer and I do the race for the cure as a way of coping its been about 8 years. Now having to deal with all of this as a adult Im wondering how as a preteen was I able to cope.. I do know the amswer to that I let it build until I couldnt keep it in anymore so this time Im not going to do that. Im going to find other ways of dealing... Like writing this down. and letting it roll off of me.

Toronto A Vacation Of Food And Relaxation

I had an amazing time in Toronto.So many places to eat and so little time. Eating at Cora's for Breakfast just about every morning was just what I needed. French Toast and Walfles with Loads of fruit on top of it. So fresh and tasty. I walked through the city and withing blocks there was some form of shopping and food. Mcdonald's was 24 hours and Popeyes delivered. The city is one for the a relaxing big city feel.

Brazil Opens Up...

Many people have asked and I have never given an answer to the question "Why the name Brazil?" in order to really answer the question we would have to go back some time, Well actually 1993 Around this time although 10 yrs old at the time I started to know I was a bit different then many boys that I grew up with, What that was i wasn't really sure , but like most boys I enjoyed getting dirty I played sports I was attracted to older girls who were well mature body wise. But My favorite artist came out with an album " Janet" Yes Janet Jackson came out with one of the sexiest albums I had ever heard outside of my other favorite "Madonna" with Her "Erotica" album keep in mind I am only 10. Well back then Albums came out and they would have singles off of it over a span of 1-3 years So I listened to this album cover to cover and was never the same however keeping it to myself and no longer a virgin Yes keep in mind I'm still 10. Even though my direct attraction was for woman but around 11 I started to look at dudes and find some attraction to it but always kept it to myself. I had a friend about 3 years older then me and for some reason I was very comfortable around him and vice versa. I remember being around him one day at his house playing video games and he was stairing at me, me being flip at the mouth at that time I gave him a look and was like why are you looking at me like that? I would always catch him stairing at me until one day he answered my question and said "your lips look like they taste good". Confused by his words I asked him to repeat what he said and he did but this time he kissed me,Not a peck a lingering lip to lip kiss and i got lost in it for a moment after years of dealing with females and getting kissed and whatever from them this felt so natural, but I pulled away and left went home and locked myself in my room and played Janet which was the wrong thing to do because after listening to this album cover to cover having favorites certain song began to speak to me and I would picture him as I sung these songs. I was now toying with the idea of maybe seeing how far this could go? and who would do what? I invited him over after weeks of avoiding him to talk, of course I didn't want to loose my nerve I played Janet while we were sitting and talking and we were good until the song "The Body That loves you" and I got lost and he saw an opening before long i was no longer curious this was going to happen and let the chips fall where they may. I ended up being his bottom and I saw a few porns and I thought this was going to feel amazing and I was amazed how badly it hurt. I could No Longer hear Janet she was Burried under the screams of Pain. he ofcourse enjoyed it but I then swore it will Never happen again until 2 years later I would come to do it again and this time there would be none of that I opted for liquid courage this go round and well worked like a charm. You by 14 I was already in full understanding I was gay but I craved hetero sex as well. I continued to fuck girls but not date them it would have been far too much for me to keep it all together. I realized as I got older I got more into myself I actually cared about my looks and how I was looked at.I then started to get into my skillz on the sex tip I wanted to learn and master it all. I began to read about pleasure a word I heard listening to Madonna she helped me understand that my pleasure was for me and in order to know that I had to explore that. So I did by 16 not yet a pro but was more sexually open compared to that wet behind the ears 10 year old or that 12 year old. I craved pleasure and I was determined to find it and it didn't matter who it was to find it. So I met The guy that would change how Pleasure from a thought to reality. He helped explore my line and pushing past it little by little I was 18 and he was 24 we went at it like rabbits but the thing that was different here was I loved him and he loved me but the sex was beyond love making (there is a difference even when your in love with each other) I was in Bliss for sometime even after the break up it was too good to let go... At 20 single for the first time and living on my own in the wonderful world of Baltimore if you was hot and appeared to be single and was a top in the early Millenium 9 times out of 10 we probably had dealing with eachother. I felt sexually free and was there was a new dude with new experiences and I was a willing student to this education. I wasnt looking for a boyfriend at that time (No Love allowed) Until I met someone who defeated them all once again I was in heaven and a Jumpoff turned into a boyfriend for a bit and it was amazing while it lasted. After that I was single and had a few regulars one regular who just was a freak and he freaked my freak to the point that I saw muscle tone in my body after our sessions and I hadnt been to the gym. he and I were like rabbits anytime anyplace anywhere. I moved away at 23 and had a moment to reflect. was all of this sex because I was looking for something? The answer to that is no (Although most would disagree) But I was happy learning who I was and what I wanted. in a lifestyle that is full of lots of things. I wanted to know why these guys wanted me and no it's not that I was an easy lay because I wasn't treated like a jump off or a whore most like to be around me and sometimes chill at the house no sex involved I was like a friend with benefits who had the things about me that they would want in a BF. Alot of them spoke of my sex appeal which I didn't see or understand because I was only being myself. My BFF always would say I ooze sex without even trying. I use to think that was a bad thing ,but as I got older I find that I don't have to be the finest thing in the room but there is a sexy part of me and the older I get the more comfortable I get. I owe that to my two Icons who defined The word for themselves as I was coming into my own life and later SEX APPEAL. At 25 I began to think of a nick name for that side of me and I didnt want anything typical so I remember doing a report on the country Brazil and it's people and culture. It been described as one of the sexiest countries in the world the heat,The rumors,the sex appeal and Carnival... It was perfect and so I became Brazil and Chandler came from the last name of a twitter crush it just sounded so perfect together. So there you have it. The full story and some T. I dnt run from my sexiness I embrase it and make no apologies for it. It took a long time to get here and I'm not in any rush to change that... xoxoxoxoxox -B.

The Reality Sucks!!!

Well with every emotion possible to feel. I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. Being 30 has shaped my thinking a lot. It probably started at 27 I realized that life was more then just wanting not to be like the examples I was presented as a kid. It was also about figuring out what it was that I wanted and who I wanted to be. That was the hard part because as a person that was pretty good at everything it was hard to factor in what I actually didn't mind doing for the rest of my life. Clearly working at a Hotel was not the root of the answers but it got me out of my slump at 23 and as of today still there at what I love to call "The Circus" and if you want to know more about this circus I suggest you check my Facebook page where I randomly go and say what I need to say without exposing direct details but a fun read. 30 hit me like a huge rock and with 30 came Anxiety and with Anxiety came paranoia. I worried and worried myself till I couldn't even sleep night after night I was eyes closed but nothing. After years of taking care of myself and excising I find myself wanting to just lay down and go to bed or watch movies all day with no motivation. One would think Im borderline depressed. Which Im happy to report I'm not I love being around people and love to travel it's just reality has never looked so blurry to me before. But one thing I am is Hopeful and optimistic that I will soon find myself back in a happier place then I am now. I just need to put myself in a better mental space and not sweat the small stuff and move forward. I just to give myself permission to do so.

Introduction

HEY GUYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LUV AND SUPPORT HERE ARE SOME ANSWERS TO SO QUESTIONS. oN AND i LOOK A MESS IT'S LATE DON'T JUDGE ME...LMAO XOXOXOXOXOXO SEE YOU SOON